Sunday, 2 September 2012
Away...
I'm off for a year and as I have another blog for that time probably won't be around here much! you can find me at http://sallyisinparis.blogspot.co.uk/ :)
Tuesday, 17 July 2012
Sunday, 1 July 2012
A Collection of Thoughts...
It's been a long time since I last posted, but after a conversation with a friend I thought I'd check out my blog again and have a reread of old posts.
One of the things I discovered was how many good & inspiring song lyrics out there that there are...
Another thing I realised, is how real Jesus is.
But how easy it is to run from him.
While on Youtube I found this:
It's a well known classic, but today, the title alone made me stop and think. In Christ alone, I stand. In Christ alone. I stand not in what I do, eat, wear or say, but in Christ alone.
Everything comes in seasons and I feel like it's the middle of winter. But I hope that I can remember what I've been reading & listening to, regardless of what storms & hurricanes blow my way tomorrow, and know that at this moment I want to make it to spring, to remember that right now I'm digging to find faith as small as a mustard seed to move mountains.
I am not looking forward to next week. But through it all, belief and doubt, I stand in Christ Alone.
"In Christ Alone, my hope is found, he is my light, my strength, my song." - Stuart Townend & Keith Getty, In Christ Alone
"I've started falling apart, I'm not savouring life.... Take the pieces and build them skywards" - Biffy Clyro, Machines
"When shadows fall on us, we will not fear, we will remember" - DCB, Shadows
"Death laid love quiet, yet in the night - a stirring....Shine your light so I can see you, pull me up I need to be near you, hold me close I need to feel love, Can you overcome this heart, that's overcome" - DCB, Shine (SMS)
"And if you're broken I will mend you, and I'll keep you sheltered from the storm that's raging on, I'm out of tough, I'm out of love, I'll pick you up when you're feeling down. And out of all these things that you've done, I think I love you better now..." - Ed Sheeran, Lego House
"And I'm so glad that this has taken me so long, 'cause it's the journey that has made me so strong" - Snow Patrol, Warmer Climate
"It's not the long walk home that will change this heart, but the welcome I receive with every restart" - Mumford & Sons, Roll Away Your Stone
"I can't do this all on my own, no I'm no superman" - Scrubs theme tune
"On and on we go, Well come love take my hand. On and on we go, Time and time again. On and on again, Back to where this all began, Come love take my hand Come love take my hand..." - Tenth Avenue North, On and On
"One tear in the driving rain...would you come close, and hold my heart?" - Tenth Avenue North, Hold my Heart
"Though the struggles have been many, And the flesh inside me weak, Lord your grace and truth have taught me, My soul is well" - Jordan Dillon & Simon Brading, There's No Lack In All You've Given
"This jar of clay in all its weakness, Somehow inside dwells your fullness, Even though I'm not yet flawless,You are forming me... Valleys come and tears aren't dried yet and there are things I don't yet see, But I'll rejoice in spite of hardship, You'll watch over me." - The Michael Gungor Band, Grace for Me
"Lift your eyes and look to the heavens:
Who created all these?
He who brings out the starry host one by one,
and calls them by name.
Because of his great power and mighty strength,
not one of them is missing"
Isaiah 40:26, The Bible
Friday, 20 April 2012
Foolishness
Those people who's hair is never out of place.
That girl who has the will power to stay that skinny.
That guy who gets up every morning to jog because he cares about his body.
That girl who spends spends spends and always has enough to pay someone else's bus fare, because she's that kind of friendly person.
That guy who got seriously ill at least once a term and still came out with a 2-1.
That mother who can one - handedly collapse the buggy whilst holding on to a struggling two year old and three bags of shopping and still hand the driver the correct change.
That guy who makes everyone laugh, except when you try it they're not laughing with you...
That girl who has folders so tidy you wonder how she has time to breathe.
But she does, and she has a social life, and she makes it every lecture, and she chills out at weekends, is always dressed nicely, is only ill when it's convenient, never has ink marks on her hands, always wears the right shoes when it's raining, never gets too hot even if it's way too sunny to be wearing a coat.
These people make me sick.
Why? Because I can't do it. Some days I can't even get out of bed, and when I do I meet these people. So perfect you want to wave your hand above their head looking for the halo. How do they even do it?! I haven't got the will power to resist a chocolate biscuit, let alone diet. I can't run up the stairs without wheezing, my hair will never do what I want it to do, people always catch me mid sentence in photographs, I can't go out to eat without spilling something on me, which inevitably I won't notice until the next day when it's dried on and I've got to spend the whole day with it stuck there.
It's frustrating! Why am I not like these people? Why can't I do it? If only I was perfect, I'd...
I'd what?
I'd be wasting my time trying to be who I am not. Which is probably worse than not being perfect, don't you think?
That girl who has the will power to stay that skinny.
That guy who gets up every morning to jog because he cares about his body.
That girl who spends spends spends and always has enough to pay someone else's bus fare, because she's that kind of friendly person.
That guy who got seriously ill at least once a term and still came out with a 2-1.
That mother who can one - handedly collapse the buggy whilst holding on to a struggling two year old and three bags of shopping and still hand the driver the correct change.
That guy who makes everyone laugh, except when you try it they're not laughing with you...
That girl who has folders so tidy you wonder how she has time to breathe.
But she does, and she has a social life, and she makes it every lecture, and she chills out at weekends, is always dressed nicely, is only ill when it's convenient, never has ink marks on her hands, always wears the right shoes when it's raining, never gets too hot even if it's way too sunny to be wearing a coat.
These people make me sick.
Why? Because I can't do it. Some days I can't even get out of bed, and when I do I meet these people. So perfect you want to wave your hand above their head looking for the halo. How do they even do it?! I haven't got the will power to resist a chocolate biscuit, let alone diet. I can't run up the stairs without wheezing, my hair will never do what I want it to do, people always catch me mid sentence in photographs, I can't go out to eat without spilling something on me, which inevitably I won't notice until the next day when it's dried on and I've got to spend the whole day with it stuck there.
It's frustrating! Why am I not like these people? Why can't I do it? If only I was perfect, I'd...
I'd what?
I'd be wasting my time trying to be who I am not. Which is probably worse than not being perfect, don't you think?
Tuesday, 10 April 2012
Insomnia
I read once that a poet - Heaney - once wrote "I [write] to see myself, to set the darkness echoing.". And tonight that is what I need to do. Write to set the darkness echoing, to set it echoing from me.
Sometimes there aren't words loud enough, there aren't words resilient enough to reproduce how I am feeling. I need words I can fling myself at, that I can rage against, on which to beat my fists relentlessly. I am like a child, so incapable of linguistic expression the only thing I left is an outburst of physical activity. To cry until there are no more tears, til my body and mind are worn out from weeping. And then to sleep, and wake with no recollection of the previous events, to enjoy tomorrow with its castles and sandpits, toy trucks and hats.
Sometimes I have to take a deep breath and count to 5 (I can never manage 10) or 3, or 1. Put strength back into my legs (I'm never sure how I manage this) and keep going.
Sometimes I don't want to.
There are so many self-help guides around us, from dieting to mental health, we've got it all. But where emotional and mental problems arise, I get stuck between secular 'self-help' stylee bumpf, and the church. How can anything that does not explicitly mentions God or Jesus be of any use to me or anyone else? Surely what I need to be fixed is a good bashing with a bible or two, and maybe a couple of hours of solid prayer? Yes, if only I could concentrate for that long, I'd be sorted. Just drum in some scripture and I'm on the road to perfection. Ha ha, who am I kidding?!
Our culture is so wrapped up with perfection, with the right 'can-do' attitude that solves everything, the perfect hair gel, your dream job, his dream car. It's so easy to apply this to christianity as well, to use the bible as a tool, or even a weapon against our misgivings and troubles. In one sense this is entirely right: the word of the LORD is our sword. But to constantly use it to berate ourselves and to try to 'bash out' all our failings, surely that's not right?! The dilemma arises then, when we realise bible-bashing is not working, can we accept ideas such as simple positive thinking as a step to recovery?
I wan to say no: I'm happy bible bashing myself for the rest of my life. I don't need to get in touch with my emotions, what mess are you talking about?!
Happy? No, not quite.
Every atom of our body longs for enjoyment, comfort, sunshine, happiness, joy, creativity, love. These things are good. Yet how often do these things get sidelined!
The hardest thing I find is learning to live. My body keeps pumping blood, my lungs keep breathing air, and people around me make sure I am ok. Hospitals are on hand if there's ever an emergency, paramedics standing by with oxygen and blood should my (or anyone elses) body begin to fail. If our minds fail, it's off to the psychiatrist. We have every precaution covered to ensure that we do not die. But what about living?
My soul cries out to live. It hungers against depression and tiredness, and longs to run, run down deep green hills, to leap in the sun light and dive into cool water. And I don't know how to satisfy it. This God-given longing cannot be satisfied with bible bashing, it needs creation, joy, light, nourishment. I need the 'secular' can-do positive thinking relax therapy as much as I need spiritual encouragement.
It is good to feel alive - all of creation is under God's hand, therefore which ever part you enjoy you are enjoying it in him. You will be alright.
Sometimes there aren't words loud enough, there aren't words resilient enough to reproduce how I am feeling. I need words I can fling myself at, that I can rage against, on which to beat my fists relentlessly. I am like a child, so incapable of linguistic expression the only thing I left is an outburst of physical activity. To cry until there are no more tears, til my body and mind are worn out from weeping. And then to sleep, and wake with no recollection of the previous events, to enjoy tomorrow with its castles and sandpits, toy trucks and hats.
Sometimes I have to take a deep breath and count to 5 (I can never manage 10) or 3, or 1. Put strength back into my legs (I'm never sure how I manage this) and keep going.
Sometimes I don't want to.
There are so many self-help guides around us, from dieting to mental health, we've got it all. But where emotional and mental problems arise, I get stuck between secular 'self-help' stylee bumpf, and the church. How can anything that does not explicitly mentions God or Jesus be of any use to me or anyone else? Surely what I need to be fixed is a good bashing with a bible or two, and maybe a couple of hours of solid prayer? Yes, if only I could concentrate for that long, I'd be sorted. Just drum in some scripture and I'm on the road to perfection. Ha ha, who am I kidding?!
Our culture is so wrapped up with perfection, with the right 'can-do' attitude that solves everything, the perfect hair gel, your dream job, his dream car. It's so easy to apply this to christianity as well, to use the bible as a tool, or even a weapon against our misgivings and troubles. In one sense this is entirely right: the word of the LORD is our sword. But to constantly use it to berate ourselves and to try to 'bash out' all our failings, surely that's not right?! The dilemma arises then, when we realise bible-bashing is not working, can we accept ideas such as simple positive thinking as a step to recovery?
I wan to say no: I'm happy bible bashing myself for the rest of my life. I don't need to get in touch with my emotions, what mess are you talking about?!
Happy? No, not quite.
Every atom of our body longs for enjoyment, comfort, sunshine, happiness, joy, creativity, love. These things are good. Yet how often do these things get sidelined!
The hardest thing I find is learning to live. My body keeps pumping blood, my lungs keep breathing air, and people around me make sure I am ok. Hospitals are on hand if there's ever an emergency, paramedics standing by with oxygen and blood should my (or anyone elses) body begin to fail. If our minds fail, it's off to the psychiatrist. We have every precaution covered to ensure that we do not die. But what about living?
My soul cries out to live. It hungers against depression and tiredness, and longs to run, run down deep green hills, to leap in the sun light and dive into cool water. And I don't know how to satisfy it. This God-given longing cannot be satisfied with bible bashing, it needs creation, joy, light, nourishment. I need the 'secular' can-do positive thinking relax therapy as much as I need spiritual encouragement.
It is good to feel alive - all of creation is under God's hand, therefore which ever part you enjoy you are enjoying it in him. You will be alright.
Sunday, 4 March 2012
Under Red Light
The beauty of a photograph is not always knowing how it will turn out.
Which shadows you will see, which lights patches will illuminate the page.
Even with a digital camera, where I can adjust, change settings, increase colour and light, I still don't know exactly what will happen when I press the shutter. Sometimes I like it, sometimes I don't.
I'd love to do real, old school dark room photography. To take off with a camera with limited exposures, capture the moment and then watch quietly, under red light, in anticipation of the picture.
One of my favourite photographs is one I found in an old box of photography kit from my uncle. It's a much younger photograph of my grandparents, as the shutter went off they were both laughing, my granny tilting back her head & enjoying the moment. It's a rare photograph of my grandpa too - not that he doesn't ever smile, but to see him laughing like that is not something that often happens. In some ways this is not a good photograph, my granny's eyes are shut, my grandpa was scratching his face. If you were looking for a studio-perfect family portrait, this isn't it. But it is so much better. And nobody could have known how beautifully it would have turned out unless they had taken the negative into the dark room and begun the laborious process of development.
I often find that my favourite photographs seem like the mistakes. The blurry ones, the wonky ones, that one that's slightly out of focus, or the composition was wrong and I got a bit of extra scenery. Or the camera settings were wrong, the colour was too high, not high enough...
Day to day it's so easy to get caught up in the times when I make mistakes, to berate myself for doing one thing, or not doing it. I get cross when I forget something, frustrated when I try to explain myself and noone understands, sad when things just don't turn out right. I despair when I can't pray, I lose hope when there's noone to turn to. I know that I should trust in my Saviour, but some days, it just seems too bleak, too impossible. Much like developing a photograph, I don't know how this living will turn out. I start to think, is it even worth the hassle? What's the point? Why am I doing this?
But who would go to the trouble of taking a photograph, to then ignore the film and refuse to develop it? The process might be long, it might be dark, but it is the end result that is worth it. Under red light the photo becomes clear, the picture is perfect. Under red blood, we become clear, we become perfect - redeemed in his sight. In photography, even the mistakes can be beautiful. In life, God works all things for the good of those who trust him. Even the bad, messy, black bits. He is the ultimate photographer, the one who will labour intensely for hours to develop a beautiful, beautiful image. He will not leave the process halfway through, or discard a page because it might not turn out right. He lovingly restores all things. I can be confident that my photograph, his plan for me, will turn out alright - more than alright - perfect.
Which shadows you will see, which lights patches will illuminate the page.
Even with a digital camera, where I can adjust, change settings, increase colour and light, I still don't know exactly what will happen when I press the shutter. Sometimes I like it, sometimes I don't.
I'd love to do real, old school dark room photography. To take off with a camera with limited exposures, capture the moment and then watch quietly, under red light, in anticipation of the picture.
One of my favourite photographs is one I found in an old box of photography kit from my uncle. It's a much younger photograph of my grandparents, as the shutter went off they were both laughing, my granny tilting back her head & enjoying the moment. It's a rare photograph of my grandpa too - not that he doesn't ever smile, but to see him laughing like that is not something that often happens. In some ways this is not a good photograph, my granny's eyes are shut, my grandpa was scratching his face. If you were looking for a studio-perfect family portrait, this isn't it. But it is so much better. And nobody could have known how beautifully it would have turned out unless they had taken the negative into the dark room and begun the laborious process of development.
I often find that my favourite photographs seem like the mistakes. The blurry ones, the wonky ones, that one that's slightly out of focus, or the composition was wrong and I got a bit of extra scenery. Or the camera settings were wrong, the colour was too high, not high enough...
Day to day it's so easy to get caught up in the times when I make mistakes, to berate myself for doing one thing, or not doing it. I get cross when I forget something, frustrated when I try to explain myself and noone understands, sad when things just don't turn out right. I despair when I can't pray, I lose hope when there's noone to turn to. I know that I should trust in my Saviour, but some days, it just seems too bleak, too impossible. Much like developing a photograph, I don't know how this living will turn out. I start to think, is it even worth the hassle? What's the point? Why am I doing this?
But who would go to the trouble of taking a photograph, to then ignore the film and refuse to develop it? The process might be long, it might be dark, but it is the end result that is worth it. Under red light the photo becomes clear, the picture is perfect. Under red blood, we become clear, we become perfect - redeemed in his sight. In photography, even the mistakes can be beautiful. In life, God works all things for the good of those who trust him. Even the bad, messy, black bits. He is the ultimate photographer, the one who will labour intensely for hours to develop a beautiful, beautiful image. He will not leave the process halfway through, or discard a page because it might not turn out right. He lovingly restores all things. I can be confident that my photograph, his plan for me, will turn out alright - more than alright - perfect.
Friday, 2 March 2012
Things That Make Me Smile...
26 Happiest Animals, #19
Secret To Happiness: An unabashed sense of wonder at the everyday marvels that the world has to offer.
Favorite Thing: Being a little owl.
Secret To Happiness: An unabashed sense of wonder at the everyday marvels that the world has to offer.
Favorite Thing: Being a little owl.
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