Losing Touch or Gaining Ground?

I've been reading back over some of my recent-ish posts, and I'm wondering where I've gone. Where this person who trusted so easily, believed so surely and lived so freely has gone. 

All those times I talked about the light in the darkness... It seems I didn't know what real darkness was like.

I can't see how I had that much faith, how I could keep going. I'm not even sure I want to know. 

The fact is, I've fallen further than I thought I could, I've reached a place I never knew existed. And not only do I not like it, I'm struggling to see a way out. I'm struggling to understand this word 'hope' and to see it not overcome, but overcoming. 

I'd like to say that I wish I could just reread how I was, that I could somehow conjure up faith and strength, that it would be easy... and yes, I would like this, but that seems like a cop out, like a non-answer or like painkillers: they take away the pain but don't actually heal you.

I am so tired, mentally, emotionally, physically... but I don't want this to come from my head. The problem is with my heart and that's where I need to change my attitude. Heart change takes more effort than head change, but heart change gets to the problem, heart change sorts me out from the inside out. 

Heart change is hard. I hope you'll be with me, and give me strength to see you, to keep going.