At Wits End

You dare to light my path...

"You give a strength to me,

A strength I've never had.

I was a mess you see,

I'd lost the plot so bad

You dragged me up & out,

Out of the darkest place.

There's not a single doubt that I can see your face..."

Dare. To meet defiantly, courageously.

We need to feel breathless with love...

....and not collapsed under its weight..."

I love Snow Patrol.

I've been thinking a lot about hearts, joy & love. This kind of sums it up.

The thing is, he gave us freedom that we might be free.

"Love will not betray, dismay or enslave you it will set you free..."

This does not have to be a burden, a bag on my shoulder, but my freedom.

I'm still pursuing Joy, but I don't want to get dragged down by frustration & despair, sort of defeats the point?

The Darkest hours...

They must come soon?

I'll keep trying harder, faster, more....stay awake longer, fight to last, make myself bigger, stronger....

To what end?

If life is just a means to an end, then.....what am I doing?

If it's about surviving, where does living fit in?

Breathing is not enough, deep down I will never be satisfied.

Now, while I have no time to be thinking, breathing, doing, I can pretend I don't have to...

It won't ever feel right....I'm not sure I can keep awake until dawn...

Crack the Shutters Open Wide...

Inspiration hits at the strangest times... I should be tired, I should be asleep...

'your words in my memory, are like music to me...'

I don't want ordinary...I want to dive deeper into colour...

I got new pyjamas :)

I think, I might have to try them out...

I'm done drawing, editing, advertising, and posting, till tomorrow then...

Pursuing....What?

4 walls, one door.

Why?

What I am doing?

How can I have forgotten, again?

What am I doing here?

Take me back, all the way, and when you're done, pick me up and carry me home...

How many cups of tea....

....make 5?

One too many...

I could be addicted to something else, that makes it ok?

It's not the action, it's the reason.

Round 2 coming up, I can do it?

"So hard to hide..."

You're only ever as free as a Kite (Pursuing Joy #2)

That bit of fabric was made to fly, to soar, but it's held by two bits of string. How ever hard it tries it will never touch the sky.

I sometimes think I did this Christianity thing all wrong, and backwards. 6 months after I become a christian, I screw it all up and am still living with the consequences.

But then I realise, it's not about Jesus taking away all my human desires, and making me into a super spiritual being, but it's about him saying to me 'Look, I am beautiful. I love you. How could you want anything else?'

I just have to remember that...

You're only ever as free as a Kite.

"It is for FREEDOM that Christ has set us free"

Pursuing Joy...

"I look around the grave
For an escape route of old routine
There doesn't seem to be any other way

'Cause I've started falling apart
I'm not savouring life
I've forgotten how good it could be to feel alive..."

It's true, I have.

Something I read about when the clouds roll in, the storm starts to rage, and I'm weighed down by it all, completely helpless yet my head is lifted upwards. He is glorified in our weakness. Glorified.

What does that mean then?

I want to know how to love, to laugh, to have joy, abundantly...

Noone human can just flick the switch inside me, but...

Is it wrong, I want someone there?

I can't tell, is it ok?

Is prayer enough?