Sunday 2 September 2012
Away...
I'm off for a year and as I have another blog for that time probably won't be around here much! you can find me at http://sallyisinparis.blogspot.co.uk/ :)
Tuesday 17 July 2012
Sunday 1 July 2012
A Collection of Thoughts...
It's been a long time since I last posted, but after a conversation with a friend I thought I'd check out my blog again and have a reread of old posts.
One of the things I discovered was how many good & inspiring song lyrics out there that there are...
Another thing I realised, is how real Jesus is.
But how easy it is to run from him.
While on Youtube I found this:
It's a well known classic, but today, the title alone made me stop and think. In Christ alone, I stand. In Christ alone. I stand not in what I do, eat, wear or say, but in Christ alone.
Everything comes in seasons and I feel like it's the middle of winter. But I hope that I can remember what I've been reading & listening to, regardless of what storms & hurricanes blow my way tomorrow, and know that at this moment I want to make it to spring, to remember that right now I'm digging to find faith as small as a mustard seed to move mountains.
I am not looking forward to next week. But through it all, belief and doubt, I stand in Christ Alone.
"In Christ Alone, my hope is found, he is my light, my strength, my song." - Stuart Townend & Keith Getty, In Christ Alone
"I've started falling apart, I'm not savouring life.... Take the pieces and build them skywards" - Biffy Clyro, Machines
"When shadows fall on us, we will not fear, we will remember" - DCB, Shadows
"Death laid love quiet, yet in the night - a stirring....Shine your light so I can see you, pull me up I need to be near you, hold me close I need to feel love, Can you overcome this heart, that's overcome" - DCB, Shine (SMS)
"And if you're broken I will mend you, and I'll keep you sheltered from the storm that's raging on, I'm out of tough, I'm out of love, I'll pick you up when you're feeling down. And out of all these things that you've done, I think I love you better now..." - Ed Sheeran, Lego House
"And I'm so glad that this has taken me so long, 'cause it's the journey that has made me so strong" - Snow Patrol, Warmer Climate
"It's not the long walk home that will change this heart, but the welcome I receive with every restart" - Mumford & Sons, Roll Away Your Stone
"I can't do this all on my own, no I'm no superman" - Scrubs theme tune
"On and on we go, Well come love take my hand. On and on we go, Time and time again. On and on again, Back to where this all began, Come love take my hand Come love take my hand..." - Tenth Avenue North, On and On
"One tear in the driving rain...would you come close, and hold my heart?" - Tenth Avenue North, Hold my Heart
"Though the struggles have been many, And the flesh inside me weak, Lord your grace and truth have taught me, My soul is well" - Jordan Dillon & Simon Brading, There's No Lack In All You've Given
"This jar of clay in all its weakness, Somehow inside dwells your fullness, Even though I'm not yet flawless,You are forming me... Valleys come and tears aren't dried yet and there are things I don't yet see, But I'll rejoice in spite of hardship, You'll watch over me." - The Michael Gungor Band, Grace for Me
"Lift your eyes and look to the heavens:
Who created all these?
He who brings out the starry host one by one,
and calls them by name.
Because of his great power and mighty strength,
not one of them is missing"
Isaiah 40:26, The Bible
Friday 20 April 2012
Foolishness
Those people who's hair is never out of place.
That girl who has the will power to stay that skinny.
That guy who gets up every morning to jog because he cares about his body.
That girl who spends spends spends and always has enough to pay someone else's bus fare, because she's that kind of friendly person.
That guy who got seriously ill at least once a term and still came out with a 2-1.
That mother who can one - handedly collapse the buggy whilst holding on to a struggling two year old and three bags of shopping and still hand the driver the correct change.
That guy who makes everyone laugh, except when you try it they're not laughing with you...
That girl who has folders so tidy you wonder how she has time to breathe.
But she does, and she has a social life, and she makes it every lecture, and she chills out at weekends, is always dressed nicely, is only ill when it's convenient, never has ink marks on her hands, always wears the right shoes when it's raining, never gets too hot even if it's way too sunny to be wearing a coat.
These people make me sick.
Why? Because I can't do it. Some days I can't even get out of bed, and when I do I meet these people. So perfect you want to wave your hand above their head looking for the halo. How do they even do it?! I haven't got the will power to resist a chocolate biscuit, let alone diet. I can't run up the stairs without wheezing, my hair will never do what I want it to do, people always catch me mid sentence in photographs, I can't go out to eat without spilling something on me, which inevitably I won't notice until the next day when it's dried on and I've got to spend the whole day with it stuck there.
It's frustrating! Why am I not like these people? Why can't I do it? If only I was perfect, I'd...
I'd what?
I'd be wasting my time trying to be who I am not. Which is probably worse than not being perfect, don't you think?
That girl who has the will power to stay that skinny.
That guy who gets up every morning to jog because he cares about his body.
That girl who spends spends spends and always has enough to pay someone else's bus fare, because she's that kind of friendly person.
That guy who got seriously ill at least once a term and still came out with a 2-1.
That mother who can one - handedly collapse the buggy whilst holding on to a struggling two year old and three bags of shopping and still hand the driver the correct change.
That guy who makes everyone laugh, except when you try it they're not laughing with you...
That girl who has folders so tidy you wonder how she has time to breathe.
But she does, and she has a social life, and she makes it every lecture, and she chills out at weekends, is always dressed nicely, is only ill when it's convenient, never has ink marks on her hands, always wears the right shoes when it's raining, never gets too hot even if it's way too sunny to be wearing a coat.
These people make me sick.
Why? Because I can't do it. Some days I can't even get out of bed, and when I do I meet these people. So perfect you want to wave your hand above their head looking for the halo. How do they even do it?! I haven't got the will power to resist a chocolate biscuit, let alone diet. I can't run up the stairs without wheezing, my hair will never do what I want it to do, people always catch me mid sentence in photographs, I can't go out to eat without spilling something on me, which inevitably I won't notice until the next day when it's dried on and I've got to spend the whole day with it stuck there.
It's frustrating! Why am I not like these people? Why can't I do it? If only I was perfect, I'd...
I'd what?
I'd be wasting my time trying to be who I am not. Which is probably worse than not being perfect, don't you think?
Tuesday 10 April 2012
Insomnia
I read once that a poet - Heaney - once wrote "I [write] to see myself, to set the darkness echoing.". And tonight that is what I need to do. Write to set the darkness echoing, to set it echoing from me.
Sometimes there aren't words loud enough, there aren't words resilient enough to reproduce how I am feeling. I need words I can fling myself at, that I can rage against, on which to beat my fists relentlessly. I am like a child, so incapable of linguistic expression the only thing I left is an outburst of physical activity. To cry until there are no more tears, til my body and mind are worn out from weeping. And then to sleep, and wake with no recollection of the previous events, to enjoy tomorrow with its castles and sandpits, toy trucks and hats.
Sometimes I have to take a deep breath and count to 5 (I can never manage 10) or 3, or 1. Put strength back into my legs (I'm never sure how I manage this) and keep going.
Sometimes I don't want to.
There are so many self-help guides around us, from dieting to mental health, we've got it all. But where emotional and mental problems arise, I get stuck between secular 'self-help' stylee bumpf, and the church. How can anything that does not explicitly mentions God or Jesus be of any use to me or anyone else? Surely what I need to be fixed is a good bashing with a bible or two, and maybe a couple of hours of solid prayer? Yes, if only I could concentrate for that long, I'd be sorted. Just drum in some scripture and I'm on the road to perfection. Ha ha, who am I kidding?!
Our culture is so wrapped up with perfection, with the right 'can-do' attitude that solves everything, the perfect hair gel, your dream job, his dream car. It's so easy to apply this to christianity as well, to use the bible as a tool, or even a weapon against our misgivings and troubles. In one sense this is entirely right: the word of the LORD is our sword. But to constantly use it to berate ourselves and to try to 'bash out' all our failings, surely that's not right?! The dilemma arises then, when we realise bible-bashing is not working, can we accept ideas such as simple positive thinking as a step to recovery?
I wan to say no: I'm happy bible bashing myself for the rest of my life. I don't need to get in touch with my emotions, what mess are you talking about?!
Happy? No, not quite.
Every atom of our body longs for enjoyment, comfort, sunshine, happiness, joy, creativity, love. These things are good. Yet how often do these things get sidelined!
The hardest thing I find is learning to live. My body keeps pumping blood, my lungs keep breathing air, and people around me make sure I am ok. Hospitals are on hand if there's ever an emergency, paramedics standing by with oxygen and blood should my (or anyone elses) body begin to fail. If our minds fail, it's off to the psychiatrist. We have every precaution covered to ensure that we do not die. But what about living?
My soul cries out to live. It hungers against depression and tiredness, and longs to run, run down deep green hills, to leap in the sun light and dive into cool water. And I don't know how to satisfy it. This God-given longing cannot be satisfied with bible bashing, it needs creation, joy, light, nourishment. I need the 'secular' can-do positive thinking relax therapy as much as I need spiritual encouragement.
It is good to feel alive - all of creation is under God's hand, therefore which ever part you enjoy you are enjoying it in him. You will be alright.
Sometimes there aren't words loud enough, there aren't words resilient enough to reproduce how I am feeling. I need words I can fling myself at, that I can rage against, on which to beat my fists relentlessly. I am like a child, so incapable of linguistic expression the only thing I left is an outburst of physical activity. To cry until there are no more tears, til my body and mind are worn out from weeping. And then to sleep, and wake with no recollection of the previous events, to enjoy tomorrow with its castles and sandpits, toy trucks and hats.
Sometimes I have to take a deep breath and count to 5 (I can never manage 10) or 3, or 1. Put strength back into my legs (I'm never sure how I manage this) and keep going.
Sometimes I don't want to.
There are so many self-help guides around us, from dieting to mental health, we've got it all. But where emotional and mental problems arise, I get stuck between secular 'self-help' stylee bumpf, and the church. How can anything that does not explicitly mentions God or Jesus be of any use to me or anyone else? Surely what I need to be fixed is a good bashing with a bible or two, and maybe a couple of hours of solid prayer? Yes, if only I could concentrate for that long, I'd be sorted. Just drum in some scripture and I'm on the road to perfection. Ha ha, who am I kidding?!
Our culture is so wrapped up with perfection, with the right 'can-do' attitude that solves everything, the perfect hair gel, your dream job, his dream car. It's so easy to apply this to christianity as well, to use the bible as a tool, or even a weapon against our misgivings and troubles. In one sense this is entirely right: the word of the LORD is our sword. But to constantly use it to berate ourselves and to try to 'bash out' all our failings, surely that's not right?! The dilemma arises then, when we realise bible-bashing is not working, can we accept ideas such as simple positive thinking as a step to recovery?
I wan to say no: I'm happy bible bashing myself for the rest of my life. I don't need to get in touch with my emotions, what mess are you talking about?!
Happy? No, not quite.
Every atom of our body longs for enjoyment, comfort, sunshine, happiness, joy, creativity, love. These things are good. Yet how often do these things get sidelined!
The hardest thing I find is learning to live. My body keeps pumping blood, my lungs keep breathing air, and people around me make sure I am ok. Hospitals are on hand if there's ever an emergency, paramedics standing by with oxygen and blood should my (or anyone elses) body begin to fail. If our minds fail, it's off to the psychiatrist. We have every precaution covered to ensure that we do not die. But what about living?
My soul cries out to live. It hungers against depression and tiredness, and longs to run, run down deep green hills, to leap in the sun light and dive into cool water. And I don't know how to satisfy it. This God-given longing cannot be satisfied with bible bashing, it needs creation, joy, light, nourishment. I need the 'secular' can-do positive thinking relax therapy as much as I need spiritual encouragement.
It is good to feel alive - all of creation is under God's hand, therefore which ever part you enjoy you are enjoying it in him. You will be alright.
Sunday 4 March 2012
Under Red Light
The beauty of a photograph is not always knowing how it will turn out.
Which shadows you will see, which lights patches will illuminate the page.
Even with a digital camera, where I can adjust, change settings, increase colour and light, I still don't know exactly what will happen when I press the shutter. Sometimes I like it, sometimes I don't.
I'd love to do real, old school dark room photography. To take off with a camera with limited exposures, capture the moment and then watch quietly, under red light, in anticipation of the picture.
One of my favourite photographs is one I found in an old box of photography kit from my uncle. It's a much younger photograph of my grandparents, as the shutter went off they were both laughing, my granny tilting back her head & enjoying the moment. It's a rare photograph of my grandpa too - not that he doesn't ever smile, but to see him laughing like that is not something that often happens. In some ways this is not a good photograph, my granny's eyes are shut, my grandpa was scratching his face. If you were looking for a studio-perfect family portrait, this isn't it. But it is so much better. And nobody could have known how beautifully it would have turned out unless they had taken the negative into the dark room and begun the laborious process of development.
I often find that my favourite photographs seem like the mistakes. The blurry ones, the wonky ones, that one that's slightly out of focus, or the composition was wrong and I got a bit of extra scenery. Or the camera settings were wrong, the colour was too high, not high enough...
Day to day it's so easy to get caught up in the times when I make mistakes, to berate myself for doing one thing, or not doing it. I get cross when I forget something, frustrated when I try to explain myself and noone understands, sad when things just don't turn out right. I despair when I can't pray, I lose hope when there's noone to turn to. I know that I should trust in my Saviour, but some days, it just seems too bleak, too impossible. Much like developing a photograph, I don't know how this living will turn out. I start to think, is it even worth the hassle? What's the point? Why am I doing this?
But who would go to the trouble of taking a photograph, to then ignore the film and refuse to develop it? The process might be long, it might be dark, but it is the end result that is worth it. Under red light the photo becomes clear, the picture is perfect. Under red blood, we become clear, we become perfect - redeemed in his sight. In photography, even the mistakes can be beautiful. In life, God works all things for the good of those who trust him. Even the bad, messy, black bits. He is the ultimate photographer, the one who will labour intensely for hours to develop a beautiful, beautiful image. He will not leave the process halfway through, or discard a page because it might not turn out right. He lovingly restores all things. I can be confident that my photograph, his plan for me, will turn out alright - more than alright - perfect.
Which shadows you will see, which lights patches will illuminate the page.
Even with a digital camera, where I can adjust, change settings, increase colour and light, I still don't know exactly what will happen when I press the shutter. Sometimes I like it, sometimes I don't.
I'd love to do real, old school dark room photography. To take off with a camera with limited exposures, capture the moment and then watch quietly, under red light, in anticipation of the picture.
One of my favourite photographs is one I found in an old box of photography kit from my uncle. It's a much younger photograph of my grandparents, as the shutter went off they were both laughing, my granny tilting back her head & enjoying the moment. It's a rare photograph of my grandpa too - not that he doesn't ever smile, but to see him laughing like that is not something that often happens. In some ways this is not a good photograph, my granny's eyes are shut, my grandpa was scratching his face. If you were looking for a studio-perfect family portrait, this isn't it. But it is so much better. And nobody could have known how beautifully it would have turned out unless they had taken the negative into the dark room and begun the laborious process of development.
I often find that my favourite photographs seem like the mistakes. The blurry ones, the wonky ones, that one that's slightly out of focus, or the composition was wrong and I got a bit of extra scenery. Or the camera settings were wrong, the colour was too high, not high enough...
Day to day it's so easy to get caught up in the times when I make mistakes, to berate myself for doing one thing, or not doing it. I get cross when I forget something, frustrated when I try to explain myself and noone understands, sad when things just don't turn out right. I despair when I can't pray, I lose hope when there's noone to turn to. I know that I should trust in my Saviour, but some days, it just seems too bleak, too impossible. Much like developing a photograph, I don't know how this living will turn out. I start to think, is it even worth the hassle? What's the point? Why am I doing this?
But who would go to the trouble of taking a photograph, to then ignore the film and refuse to develop it? The process might be long, it might be dark, but it is the end result that is worth it. Under red light the photo becomes clear, the picture is perfect. Under red blood, we become clear, we become perfect - redeemed in his sight. In photography, even the mistakes can be beautiful. In life, God works all things for the good of those who trust him. Even the bad, messy, black bits. He is the ultimate photographer, the one who will labour intensely for hours to develop a beautiful, beautiful image. He will not leave the process halfway through, or discard a page because it might not turn out right. He lovingly restores all things. I can be confident that my photograph, his plan for me, will turn out alright - more than alright - perfect.
Friday 2 March 2012
Things That Make Me Smile...
26 Happiest Animals, #19
Secret To Happiness: An unabashed sense of wonder at the everyday marvels that the world has to offer.
Favorite Thing: Being a little owl.
Secret To Happiness: An unabashed sense of wonder at the everyday marvels that the world has to offer.
Favorite Thing: Being a little owl.
Thursday 23 February 2012
Losing Touch or Gaining Ground?
I've been reading back over some of my recent-ish posts, and I'm wondering where I've gone. Where this person who trusted so easily, believed so surely and lived so freely has gone.
All those times I talked about the light in the darkness... It seems I didn't know what real darkness was like.
I can't see how I had that much faith, how I could keep going. I'm not even sure I want to know.
The fact is, I've fallen further than I thought I could, I've reached a place I never knew existed. And not only do I not like it, I'm struggling to see a way out. I'm struggling to understand this word 'hope' and to see it not overcome, but overcoming.
I'd like to say that I wish I could just reread how I was, that I could somehow conjure up faith and strength, that it would be easy... and yes, I would like this, but that seems like a cop out, like a non-answer or like painkillers: they take away the pain but don't actually heal you.
I am so tired, mentally, emotionally, physically... but I don't want this to come from my head. The problem is with my heart and that's where I need to change my attitude. Heart change takes more effort than head change, but heart change gets to the problem, heart change sorts me out from the inside out.
Heart change is hard. I hope you'll be with me, and give me strength to see you, to keep going.
Lately....
"And if you're broken I will mend you, and I keep you sheltered from the storm that's raging on"
"I'm out of touch, I'm out of love...."
"I'll pick you up when you're feeling down"
"And out of all these things you've done, I think I love you better now..."
Wednesday 22 February 2012
Tuesday 21 February 2012
Friday 17 February 2012
Process or Product?
Does the Journey matter more than the Destination?
Or is it simply a means to an end?
You could argue either way I guess:
"And I'm so glad that this has taken me so long, 'cause it's the journey that has made me so strong"
"It's not the long walk home that will change this heart, but the welcome I receive with every restart"
If I walk to uni or get the bus there, either way I arrive at my lecture. So then the journey counts for nothing, I arrived all the same.
But if I walk I'm exercising and getting stronger, I can breathe in fresh air & arrive refreshed and ready to concentrate. And then the journey matters alot, it changes how effective I am at studying.
Ultimately my end goal is heaven. Whatever happens to me now is of little significance, I will still make it, I have been saved for eternity. How I live my life appears not to matter, after all it's not the long walk home that will change this heart... I could easily leave here & spend the rest of my days hiding out until the world ends or I die. If the end product remains the same no matter what, why bother with a journey?
Growing is part of the journey; asking, listening, drinking in the world, questioning, watching, learning, creating, loving, breaking & mending. These things are life giving, an innate desire of being human. If I don't take in the journey, how will I know when I've arrived? It's the journey that makes us strong, that teaches us how to live, to be alive. The journey is vibrant, colourful, messy & so worth it.
But which is more important? To simply arrive at the destination or to relish in the process of getting there regardless of where it is that I arrive?
I think the answer is....neither. I cannot deny myself the pleasure of living, to feel alive, hear the wind in the trees, soak up the sun & take shelter from the rain; but simultaneously I cannot forget the end result. To take joy in both...that would mean embracing all that is now & all that will be.
Monday 13 February 2012
Friday 10 February 2012
Courage, Dear Heart.
One of my favourite bits in Narnia is during the voyage of the Dawn Treador. The ship & crew have just sailed into darkness, and cannot seem to break out. Lucy cries out to Aslan and nothing seems to happen. Then, an albatross appears, swooping around the ship before sailing ahead of it to lead it out of the darkness. But what no one else hears is that as the albatross circles the ship it whispers to Lucy: "Courage, dear heart, courage.".
When I'm in my darkest place, and it feels like the is no way out, 'courage dear heart' is what I long to hear. To know someone beside me coaxing me on, pushing me forward, leading me out.
So often I can't hear this, this week has felt so quiet, so confusing. It takes all my strength & energy to remember who's yoke is light, who's burden is easy to bear, the one who whispers encouragement and lifts me up out of the mud & mire.
I still long for that whisper. I still search for his encouragement. Where can I find it? There is no albatross above me. But I find it in his heart: The joy of the Lord is my strength and this joy is Jesus, his salvation that saves.
Courage, dear heart...
Wednesday 8 February 2012
A Battle of Wills
As the haunting melodies fill my ears I can dream myself away from this icy path, from its glaring street lights, from the fears I've faced up to today, and the ones which are yet to come.
"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."
Dreams are an easy way to escape reality, to forget and to pretend.
I don't want to forget what this is like, this living. There's a battle of wills each day and I have to chose which way to go.
I can hide my head in the sand, run away, ignore the warning signs & the help.
Or I can embrace the brokenness, lean on Him & his peace that passes all understanding. I can rest in his goodness and know him walking beside me. I can give up all hope of fixing myself, and go where he leads me. For he will not leave or forsake me, he will not abandon me to my darkest despair.
"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."
Consider him, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
Wednesday 1 February 2012
Heart Recovery
"Ohh, your heart is broken
To your surprise
You're sick of crying
For blue eyes
So tired of living
Misunderstood
Think hard woman
I think you should"
Why is it a surprise to find your heart broken, to find yourself crying, so tired of living? Our world is broken...why is this so hard to understand?
I'm sick of crying for blue eyes, so tired of living, misunderstood. I'm surprised my heart is broken, but really, why? I was so set on blue eyes, I forgot all else. But blue eyes were never going to fix me. My heart was always going to get broken if I let it.
But no one wants to admit they were wrong, that they needed help... To stop and take stock of feelings and feel this...brokenness. It's scary, it's big, and I don't know how to deal with it.
Heart recovery is a marathon, not a sprint. This takes time and energy, sorting through the muddle till we get to the other side.
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." There's encouragement in that.
To your surprise
You're sick of crying
For blue eyes
So tired of living
Misunderstood
Think hard woman
I think you should"
Why is it a surprise to find your heart broken, to find yourself crying, so tired of living? Our world is broken...why is this so hard to understand?
I'm sick of crying for blue eyes, so tired of living, misunderstood. I'm surprised my heart is broken, but really, why? I was so set on blue eyes, I forgot all else. But blue eyes were never going to fix me. My heart was always going to get broken if I let it.
But no one wants to admit they were wrong, that they needed help... To stop and take stock of feelings and feel this...brokenness. It's scary, it's big, and I don't know how to deal with it.
Heart recovery is a marathon, not a sprint. This takes time and energy, sorting through the muddle till we get to the other side.
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." There's encouragement in that.
Thursday 26 January 2012
Grief (again...)
How to support a friend who's supporting a friend who's grieving?
I think the answer is, I don't know. But one thing I do know, Jesus knows what this is like, he's been there. He's grieved, lost & comforted all in one chapter. In the Psalms David cries out to the LORD to save him, and the LORD does! Conclusion? Our God is faithful, and will not leave us!
The best I can do is to remind myself & my friend of this, and trust to God's wisdom to help & guide... "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him".
I think the answer is, I don't know. But one thing I do know, Jesus knows what this is like, he's been there. He's grieved, lost & comforted all in one chapter. In the Psalms David cries out to the LORD to save him, and the LORD does! Conclusion? Our God is faithful, and will not leave us!
The best I can do is to remind myself & my friend of this, and trust to God's wisdom to help & guide... "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him".
Sunday 22 January 2012
The most Beautiful Thing
"Then he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven — for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little.”
...
Jesus said to the woman, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.”" Luke 7:44-47,50
Someone wise once told me that no matter how I felt, if I praised God he would bless me. At the time, I really, really did not want to listen. "But you don't understand how I feel, you don't know how badly I've done wrong".
The truth of the matter is, however you feel & wherever you are, glorifying God is the most important thing - ever. The woman in this story was a sinner, she was accused of wasting precious oil, of being too unworthy to approach Jesus. Yet she was not blinded by her own iniquities but fully aware of the need to bless this man, Jesus.
This is not a post to dampen your feelings, to tell you to ignore them and paste on a smile as you try harder to worship. Luke describes how as she washed his feet the woman was weeping, for what reason we can only guess, but the fact remains that she came as she was - full to the brim of emotions & problems. Then Jesus describes her act as "a beautiful thing" (Matthew 26:10). And yes, what could be more beautiful than praising and anointing our Saviour!
Truthfully, this story is a hard one to follow. But it is told for a reason - "I tell you the truth, wherever this gospel is preached throughout the world, what she has done will also be told, in memory of her." (Matthew 26:13). What reason? That we might know that we can come, broken as we are, and offer the simplest of praise. And it does not stop there. After being blessed by the oil & tears, Jesus turns to woman and wipes clean her sins, he forgives and restores her.
We can be so tired, so broken that we forget to praise, or even refuse to. It can seem like such an effort to turn weeping into joy, to actively 'have to' praise & glorify God, or guilt tripping ourselves into worship on a Sunday morning. I don't know exactly in what state this woman approached Jesus, but I know that she offered up blessings to him, and in return he blessed her with much more than she could have imagined. I know my own sinful soul, and I am so encouraged that my praise is not worthless, so encouraged that Jesus desires only my heart and my love of him, so encouraged that he accepts my praises - little or big, in sorrow or in joy!
So be encouraged, your praise is worth it in spite of your own failings. There are 10,000 reasons for your soul to sing, and put your hope in him, our Saviour and Lord.
...
Jesus said to the woman, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.”" Luke 7:44-47,50
Someone wise once told me that no matter how I felt, if I praised God he would bless me. At the time, I really, really did not want to listen. "But you don't understand how I feel, you don't know how badly I've done wrong".
The truth of the matter is, however you feel & wherever you are, glorifying God is the most important thing - ever. The woman in this story was a sinner, she was accused of wasting precious oil, of being too unworthy to approach Jesus. Yet she was not blinded by her own iniquities but fully aware of the need to bless this man, Jesus.
This is not a post to dampen your feelings, to tell you to ignore them and paste on a smile as you try harder to worship. Luke describes how as she washed his feet the woman was weeping, for what reason we can only guess, but the fact remains that she came as she was - full to the brim of emotions & problems. Then Jesus describes her act as "a beautiful thing" (Matthew 26:10). And yes, what could be more beautiful than praising and anointing our Saviour!
Truthfully, this story is a hard one to follow. But it is told for a reason - "I tell you the truth, wherever this gospel is preached throughout the world, what she has done will also be told, in memory of her." (Matthew 26:13). What reason? That we might know that we can come, broken as we are, and offer the simplest of praise. And it does not stop there. After being blessed by the oil & tears, Jesus turns to woman and wipes clean her sins, he forgives and restores her.
We can be so tired, so broken that we forget to praise, or even refuse to. It can seem like such an effort to turn weeping into joy, to actively 'have to' praise & glorify God, or guilt tripping ourselves into worship on a Sunday morning. I don't know exactly in what state this woman approached Jesus, but I know that she offered up blessings to him, and in return he blessed her with much more than she could have imagined. I know my own sinful soul, and I am so encouraged that my praise is not worthless, so encouraged that Jesus desires only my heart and my love of him, so encouraged that he accepts my praises - little or big, in sorrow or in joy!
So be encouraged, your praise is worth it in spite of your own failings. There are 10,000 reasons for your soul to sing, and put your hope in him, our Saviour and Lord.
Monday 16 January 2012
No giving up...
I'm just so tired.
I don't want to keep this up.
"Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall"
"I can't do this on my own, I'm no superman..." I'd like to think I am, that I can do this on my own... But I can't! Keep wondering what's wrong... And where are you?
And where are the rest of you?
Exhausted, and it's only day one...
"Holding unswervingly to the hope we profess" Even youths grow tired & weary (and this one's nearly asleep...) but we hold on. Not giving up.
I don't want to keep this up.
"Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall"
"I can't do this on my own, I'm no superman..." I'd like to think I am, that I can do this on my own... But I can't! Keep wondering what's wrong... And where are you?
And where are the rest of you?
Exhausted, and it's only day one...
"Holding unswervingly to the hope we profess" Even youths grow tired & weary (and this one's nearly asleep...) but we hold on. Not giving up.
Saturday 14 January 2012
Camouflage/Teenage Dreams
"...Why are you staring
Do you still think that you know?
Looking for treasure
In the things that you threw
Like a magpie
I live for glitter, not you
We are not what you think we are
We are golden, we are golden...."
We hide behind all sorts of things, the world we built around us becomes our camouflage... To hide from others, or even ourselves...
"Trying to be ordinary, was it me who was the fool?"
Oh, I wonder...
"It's nothing like the life we wanted..."
And me? I hide behind all sorts... but is it like the life I want?
Thursday 12 January 2012
Food for thinking...
"I feel like I travel, but I never arrive
I want to thrive, not just survive..."
What's the difference?
Monday 9 January 2012
Grace
"So you thought you had to keep this up
All the work that you do
So we think that you're good
And you can't believe that it's not enough
All the walls you built up
Are just glass on the outside"
It's not about trying really really hard... No matter how many times I say this, I can never seem to remember to act on it!
"If you live inside the massive promise of Romans 8:28, your life is more solid and stable than Mount Everest." Piper
"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39
If my life had a tag line, that would be it. Nothing rebounds, envelopes, completes & restores like Grace.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matt 11:28-30
What could be more amazing than the maker of the heavens offering, choosing, to take my burdens upon himself? And it is for his glory that he does so!
All the work that you do
So we think that you're good
And you can't believe that it's not enough
All the walls you built up
Are just glass on the outside"
It's not about trying really really hard... No matter how many times I say this, I can never seem to remember to act on it!
"If you live inside the massive promise of Romans 8:28, your life is more solid and stable than Mount Everest." Piper
"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39
If my life had a tag line, that would be it. Nothing rebounds, envelopes, completes & restores like Grace.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matt 11:28-30
What could be more amazing than the maker of the heavens offering, choosing, to take my burdens upon himself? And it is for his glory that he does so!
All these good things I do, all these worries I have, He takes them all and makes it beautiful. Nothing can separate us... Nothing! I love my Saviour.
Friday 6 January 2012
The unnaturalness of Death
Why do we grieve? There is some part of us, some part that still remembers what life was like before death... How life was formed back in the garden, and the perfectness of that first relationship.
Death is not natural, even Jesus wept at the grave of his friend.
Even though I am not yet grieving, and even though I know the pain that will come, I cannot help but wonder at a God who shared with us his pain at the loss of what was perfect.
The process of mourning & grieving is not one I shall look forward to, but I rejoice that my God has gone there before me, and will go with me through it. When I compare the pain of death to the beauty of the cross, it seems in some way that grief is a reminder of what is to come: full and complete restoration to a perfect relationship with my saviour.
I do not want to belittle loss, or hope that I will be able to ignore the pain, but I want to know I am not alone in this, and that life is not without purpose - he holds us in the palms of his hands...
Death is not natural, even Jesus wept at the grave of his friend.
Even though I am not yet grieving, and even though I know the pain that will come, I cannot help but wonder at a God who shared with us his pain at the loss of what was perfect.
The process of mourning & grieving is not one I shall look forward to, but I rejoice that my God has gone there before me, and will go with me through it. When I compare the pain of death to the beauty of the cross, it seems in some way that grief is a reminder of what is to come: full and complete restoration to a perfect relationship with my saviour.
I do not want to belittle loss, or hope that I will be able to ignore the pain, but I want to know I am not alone in this, and that life is not without purpose - he holds us in the palms of his hands...
Wednesday 4 January 2012
Ought, should & am...
When I look back at last year, and I look around at life now, I am overwhelmingly aware of my own failings...how I try and try and try to be better, to be the person I think people want me to be...
But we are not called to spent our lives looking back, to beat ourselves up with relentless shame that we are not who we ought to be, or should be. I can change what I look like any day of the week, but I can never change my heart, change what has been or could have been or will be. This is all completely out of my control, this is not something to overwhelm or frighten, but a reminder that I am not in this alone.
"But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."
I ought to be better, I should try harder... But I am loved as I am.
"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful."
But we are not called to spent our lives looking back, to beat ourselves up with relentless shame that we are not who we ought to be, or should be. I can change what I look like any day of the week, but I can never change my heart, change what has been or could have been or will be. This is all completely out of my control, this is not something to overwhelm or frighten, but a reminder that I am not in this alone.
"But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."
I ought to be better, I should try harder... But I am loved as I am.
"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful."
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