Pulled the jungle underground,
Where cherry bombs stain the blackbird's red,
And explosions never make a sound.
I had worries, mostly the idea death versus life kept coming into my thoughts. Not just the literal sense of life and death, but death as in the absence of really living, fully. And then I questioned what really living meant. I grew into this person I was never actually sure I would be.
- Jodi Vander Heide, 2011
I’d still like to splurge tho, I’ve never known my own mind well enough to be able to…
It was all just a coping mechanism, I didn’t know how to deal with big feelings, or how to understand my emotions. Even positive ones. Knowing when I’m more susceptible to these things helps, as does having a different perspective.
It’s my relationship with Him that matters, I don’t want to put anything in the way of that.
I can say I've let go of this, it’s not a part of who I am any more. That’s why I don’t want to do this, to bring it up and focus on it, it’s not that important. At the same time tho, it’s something to be aware of, to “take each thought captive”.
When there’s a lot on, when I just don’t understand or know how to deal with my feelings, it all does come back. The thing is, whilst I might not know what to do with my feelings, I can fight it. Trusting God is so much better, an eternal perspective helps.
Hebrews 11…