You know when you’re standing of top of somewhere really high, with your feet at the edge and you just tip forward slightly, and there’s that rush of adrenalin and you catch your breath and think Oh, what if I did. Fall.

It feels like that, like every time I think yes, I’ll do it, there’s a rush of adrenaline but I think no, I shouldn’t.

Even if you’re meant to be jumping, like there’s a zip wire or something, you’re still slightly afraid to do it, to take the first step.

I can do all the thinking, all the deciding to do it but I don’t think I’ll take the first step. It’s so hard! I want to I guess…does that make it harder?